Myrtle ’Tilly’ Dunnage:
Take your clothes off
Molly Dunnage:
A murderer… and a lesbian…
Myrtle ’Tilly’ Dunnage:
Take your clothes off
Molly Dunnage:
A murderer… and a lesbian…
Tony Lip:
The world’s full of lonely people afraid to make the first move.
[Shazam and Freddy confront armed robbers in convenience store]
Shazam: Gentlemen, why use guns when we can handle this like real men?
[Shazam takes gun of out robber's hand]
Freddy Freeman: Billy, look out!
[the other robber shoots him, the bullet ricochets off him]
Freddy Freeman: Bullet immunity. You have bullet immunity!
Shazam: [shocked] I'm bulletproof.
[they both laugh before Shazam's expression suddenly turns serious]
Freddy Freeman: [filming on his phone] Today is December 8th, and this video proof of authenticity. Shoot him again.
Shazam: [hands back the robber's gun] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here. Go. Both of you! Come on. Go to town.
Freddy Freeman: Wait, wait, wait. We still don't know if the suit is bulletproof, or if you are. Shoot him in the face.
Shazam: Shoot me in the face. In the face?
[both robbers shoot Shazam in his face and the bullets ricochet off him]
Shazam: It kinda tickles.
[turning back to the robbers]
Shazam: You're dead.
[both robbers fly out the window in front of a couple]
Shazam: [walking out of store with junk food] Sorry about your window.
Freddy Freeman: Have a good night!
Shazam: But you're welcome for not getting robbed!
Bobby:
You never heard the saying, never rob a bank across from a diner with the best donuts in three counties?
Morgan: Mother, did you get the two dick pics I sent you?
Kyle Reynolds:
Wow.
Brooke:
My sister has been through a lot…
Gary:
…of dick!
Mr. Popper:
Hello! I have to send the penguins back.
Voice On Phone:
Send-da-penguin?
Mr. Popper:
Yes, send penguins.
Melanie Carmichael:
The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.
Devlin Adams: So, where's Danny?
Katherine: [pause] Devlin, Danny is at his wedding.
Devlin Adams: Come again?
Katherine: I was never married to him. All a big lie I made up.
Devlin Adams: Why?
Katherine: Because I couldn't stand the thought of you knowing the truth.
Devlin Adams: Really?
Katherine: So, yeah. I'm a single mother. I have two kids I love more than anything in the world. I drive a Honda, I still have dial-up internet. I got a 2.7 GPA in college, not a 3.4. And while I'm at it telling the truth, I name my kids' poop after you. And I work for Danny. I'm his assistant. That's it.
Devlin Adams: Really? I would never have guessed this. I mean, you two had a real connection.
Katherine: He's great, he's the greatest guy, and I might even be in love with him, but it really doesn't matter at this moment because he is getting married to another person, right now.
Devlin Adams: [pause] Ian and I are breaking up.
Katherine: What? What happened?
Devlin Adams: Well for starters, he's gay. I mean look at him
Ian Maxtone Jones: [with a group of sailors] That's a strong muscle, right there. I'm squeezin'.
Katherine: Devlin, I gotta tell you, last night, with the ass grab of the coconut, little bit of a red flag.
Devlin Adams: I've seen him do that with the soap.
Katherine: Oh! What about the iPod?
Devlin Adams: He didn't invent shit. He made his money suing the Dodgers after he got hit by a foul ball.
Katherine: [laughs] Oh God! So what?
Devlin Adams: Well, this is different?
Katherine: Yeah, I mean, why didn't we try this truth telling thing before?
Devlin Adams: I don't know.
[They hug. Devlin sees Danny behind Katherine]
Danny: Aww, that's nice. It's nice to tell the truth. The truth is fun, isn't it? Like were you telling the truth when you said you might be in love with me?
Devlin Adams: I'm gonna leave you two. Gotta go get a divorce.