[the Kid is handcuffed to a car that's about to explode]
Max: The chain in those handcuffs is high-tensile steel. It'd take you ten minutes to hack through it with this. Now, if you're lucky, you could hack through your ankle in five minutes. Go.
[the hacksaw is dropped next to The Kid, and Max limps off]
[Shazam and Freddy confront armed robbers in convenience store]
Shazam: Gentlemen, why use guns when we can handle this like real men?
[Shazam takes gun of out robber's hand]
Freddy Freeman: Billy, look out!
[the other robber shoots him, the bullet ricochets off him]
Freddy Freeman: Bullet immunity. You have bullet immunity!
Shazam: [shocked] I'm bulletproof.
[they both laugh before Shazam's expression suddenly turns serious]
Freddy Freeman: [filming on his phone] Today is December 8th, and this video proof of authenticity. Shoot him again.
Shazam: [hands back the robber's gun] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here. Go. Both of you! Come on. Go to town.
Freddy Freeman: Wait, wait, wait. We still don't know if the suit is bulletproof, or if you are. Shoot him in the face.
Shazam: Shoot me in the face. In the face?
[both robbers shoot Shazam in his face and the bullets ricochet off him]
Shazam: It kinda tickles.
[turning back to the robbers]
Shazam: You're dead.
[both robbers fly out the window in front of a couple]
Shazam: [walking out of store with junk food] Sorry about your window.
Freddy Freeman: Have a good night!
Shazam: But you're welcome for not getting robbed!
Ethan Tremblay: [from trailer]
[talking to a can full of his dad's ashes]
Ethan Tremblay: Dad… You were like a father to me.
Joe Miller: Have you ever felt discriminated against at Wyatt Wheeler?
Anthea Burton: Well, yes.
Joe Miller: In what way?
Anthea Burton: Well, Mr. Wheeler's secretary, Lydia, said that Mr. Wheeler had a problem with my earrings.
Joe Miller: Really?
Anthea Burton: Apparently Mr. Wheeler felt that they were too…"Ethnic" is the word she used. And she told me that he said that he would like it if I wore something a little less garish, a little smaller, and more "American."
Joe Miller: What'd you say?
Anthea Burton: I said my earrings are American. They're African-American.
Jake Pentecost: Gottlieb, what does that mean? "In theory"?
Dr. Hermann Gottlieb: Today… it means, "Yes!"
Michelle Lansing: Are you watching 'It's a Wonderful Life' again?
Sonya: It's always on! I don't understand the choices any of these people make, but somehow it's so soothing.
Jack Byrnes: Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
Greg Focker: To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
Jack Byrnes: [sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
Greg Focker: Yes. Even after that. It's still… It's all good. It's all good under the hood.
Jack Byrnes: That's disgusting.
Churchill: If Hitler isn't playing by the Rules, then neither shall we.
Rusty: You scared?
Linus: You suicidal?
Rusty: Only in the morning.
Andre: When I started this, I thought I'd, um, I thought I'd hate it. But now, if like the EP blew up tomorrow, I'd probably still do this on the side. Do you see how many girls I meet every day?
Ken: Yes, I saw.
Andre: For free, I don't gotta pay, all I gotta do is sing. And you think about that and these girls have to deal with men in their lives who every day, they don't listen to them. They don't ask them what they want. All we got to do is ask them what they want and when they tell you, it's a beautiful thing, man. We're like healers or something.
Ken: Yes, man!