Paulette: You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!
Paulette: You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!
Alice: But, you know, God, you make a decision about your life when you're 25 years old and then you fast-forward 15 years later and you think, God, was that really the life decision that's, like, a good life decision for the rest of your life? Then you're just, like, "I don't know."
Ox: Knock, knock!
Sergeant Moses Hightower: Who's there?
Ox: Buu!
Sergeant Moses Hightower: Buu, who?
Ox: Quit crying! This will be over in a moment!
[Hightower lets go of Ox]
Sergeant Moses Hightower: Fighting is one thing, but bad jokes is where I draw the line!
[Hightower hits Ox and knocks him out]
Samantha Jones: There ought to be a law against hiring a nanny who looks like that.
Carrie Bradshaw: Yeah, the Jude Law.
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Some dickhead is standing in my sun!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Oh, Captain Harris! Hey, I didn't see you there. You know, I don't think we've been introduced. My name is Nick…
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: I don't care who you are, buttwipe. Just get out of my sun!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Buttwipe?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Scram, sleazeball!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Okay, fine.
[Leaves]
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Buttwipe, huh? Never heard that before.
Lt. Proctor: That was great, Sir!
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Proctor?
Lt. Proctor: Yes, Sir?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Now you're in my sun.
Mr. Big: Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours.
Lt. Mauser: [Mauser and Proctor are spying on Lassard greeting the new recruits in his office] So… these academy rats are going to save the precinct?
Proctor: Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses.
Lt. Mauser: That can be arranged, you know?
Proctor: What do you mean?
Lt. Mauser: Well, if they fail, I take over as commander of the precinct.
Lt. Mauser: So?
Lt. Mauser: So… we make sure they fail.
Proctor: Who?
Lt. Mauser: The new recruits.
Proctor: Why?
Lt. Mauser: If they fail, Lassard's out, I'm in. And I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander. And you know who that's gonna be.
Proctor: [confused] Who?
Lt. Mauser: [annoyed] You, dickhead, you!
Proctor: Oh… oh… well, good idea.
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.
Janine Melnitz: Your father wasn't much of a homemaker. He could barely keep the power on.
Callie: You're saying he left us nothing?
Janine Melnitz: Well, I wouldn't say nothing… there is quite a bit of debt.
Ken: To be honest, when I found out the patriarchy wasn't just about horses, I lost interest.
Axel: You got a fifty dollar bill?
Jon Flint: I got a wife and three kids. I haven't seen a fifty in twelve years.