[interviewing Brain Gremlin]
Creature what is it that you want?
Fred, what we want is, I think, what everyone wants, and what you and your viewers have: civilization.
Yes, but what sort of civilization are you speaking of?
The niceties, Fred. The fine points: diplomacy, compassion, standards, manners, tradition… that’s what we’re reaching toward. Oh, we may stumble along the way, but civilization, yes. The Geneva Convention, chamber music, Susan Sontag. Everything your society has worked so hard to accomplish over the centuries, that’s what we aspire to; we want to be civilized.
[a Gremlin with a beanie cap acts goofy next to Brain]
You take a look at this fellow here.
[Brain shoots the Gremlin in the head. The Gremlins in the bar laugh. Grandpa Fred and Kujitsu leave]
Now, was that civilized? No, clearly not. Fun, but in no sense civilized. Now, bear in mind, none of us has been in New York before. There are the Broadway shows – we’ll have to find out how to get tickets. There’s also a lot of street crime, but I believe we can watch that for free. We want the essentials. Dinettes. Complete bedroom groups. Convenient credit, even though we’ve been turned down in the past.
Now I have another reason to hate Christmas.
What are you talking about?
The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn’t home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That’s when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He’d been climbing down the chimney… his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus.
[Madeline drinks the potion]
Lisle Von Rhoman:
Now, a warning.
NOW a warning?
Deals come and go. Wellman will always be Wellman. But you know what bothers me? I walking down the street and this 8-year old boy says, Look Mommy, there’s the Hamster’s BITCH!
Well, well, well. The princess, I presume.
Oh, well, actually I’m just a miner. But I appreciate the compliment.