Christmas Winnacker: CJ's Toys and Arlo Toys are merging, so apparently, and legally, I need your signature to uh… move forward with the merger.
Joe Sullivan: Hmm… Nooo.
Christmas Winnacker: No? What do you mean, no?
Joe Sullivan: Like the usual definition of no, like, nooo.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Well, you see, Aborigines don't own the land.They belong to it. It's like their mother. See those rocks? Been standing there for 600 million years. Still be there when you and I are gone. So arguing over who owns them is like two fleas arguing over who owns the dog they live on.
[from trailer]
Franck Dotzler: If you go down this road, the LAPD, the FBI, the CIA… they're all gonna come for you. They'll find you. And they'll stop you.
Bryan Mills: Good luck.
Adam: What are your qualifications?
Beetlejuice: Ah. Well… I attended Juilliard… I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT… NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY… NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I'm qualified?
Mike Lane: I don't fuck with vegetables.
Charlie Swan: [seeing Edward & Jake close to physically fighting each other] Hey, hey, hey… Easy, guys, easy… Let's take it down a notch, all right? What's going on?
Jacob Black: [pause] I kissed Bella.
[pause]
Jacob Black: And she broke her hand.
[pause]
Jacob Black: Punching my face.
[pause]
Jacob Black: It was a complete misunderstanding.
Joe Miller: Have you ever felt discriminated against at Wyatt Wheeler?
Anthea Burton: Well, yes.
Joe Miller: In what way?
Anthea Burton: Well, Mr. Wheeler's secretary, Lydia, said that Mr. Wheeler had a problem with my earrings.
Joe Miller: Really?
Anthea Burton: Apparently Mr. Wheeler felt that they were too…"Ethnic" is the word she used. And she told me that he said that he would like it if I wore something a little less garish, a little smaller, and more "American."
Joe Miller: What'd you say?
Anthea Burton: I said my earrings are American. They're African-American.
Michelle Lansing: Are you watching 'It's a Wonderful Life' again?
Sonya: It's always on! I don't understand the choices any of these people make, but somehow it's so soothing.
Jack Byrnes: Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
Greg Focker: To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
Jack Byrnes: [sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
Greg Focker: Yes. Even after that. It's still… It's all good. It's all good under the hood.
Jack Byrnes: That's disgusting.
Churchill: If Hitler isn't playing by the Rules, then neither shall we.