Vic Baldwin: [as he and cohost Molly are interviewing a couple on air] Now, I understand you met Sam when he rescued you from a burning building?
Kelsey Simpson: That's right, and it was love at first sight.
Molly Hart: [as she and Vic laugh about the pun after the statement] So, I guess you can say it was a *combustible* relationship.
Sam Turner: [seriously] Actually, we don't make jokes about fire safety.
[from trailer]
Robby: Who has sex for three hours?
Jay: We did!
Robby: That's the length of the movie "Lincoln". You did the full Lincoln.
Les Grossman: First, take a big step back… and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an un-Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
Anna Scott:
Can I stay for a while?
William:
You can stay forever.
[after negotiating three thousand dollars]
Vivian: I would have stayed for two thousand.
Edward Lewis: I would have paid four.
John Grogan: A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
Kyle:
We’re just friends but I just want you to know, if I were him I’d never let you go.
Barista: Good morning! Can I take your order?
Beth: Can I get a tall chai?
Danny: And a large black coffee.
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Beth: He means a venti. Yeah, the biggest one you've got.
Barista: Venti means large.
Danny: No. Venti means "twenty".
Beth: Danny…
Danny: Yeah. "Large" is large. In fact, "tall" is large, and "grande" is Spanish for large. "Venti" is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations! You're stupid in three languages.
Barista: Look, dick… venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Oh, really? Says who, Fellini?
Beth: [quickly reaches for her wallet] How much is that? Here's a ten.
Danny: Do you, uh, accept lire? Or is it all Euros now?
Mooj: Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not eveybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?
Andy Stitzer: I'm 40.
Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!
Nicky: It's about distraction. It's about focus. The brain is slow and it can't multitask. Tap him here, take from there.