Grandma Sandy: You get reminded what a sack of shit you are five times a day, after a while, you can't believe *anyone* could ever love you.

Grandma Sandy: You get reminded what a sack of shit you are five times a day, after a while, you can't believe *anyone* could ever love you.
Bella Flores: I guess it was unrealistic to think that anybody would show up when everybody has their own problems.
Scott Voss: You showed up.
Bella Flores: You shut up.
Les Grossman: First, take a big step back… and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an un-Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
Athena Atlas: It's so American.
Sean: When it comes to dating people from high school, you didn't have great taste.
Abby: Are you talking about Dylan?
Sean: Yeah.
Abby: I was 17. He had a good jawline. And that's what teenagers do; they make bad dating choices.
Britt Reid: Kato, I want you to take my hand, and I want you to come with me on this adventure.
Kato: I go with you, but I don't want to touch you.
Captain Harris: Don't touch those! Don't you ever touch my balls without asking!
Mouse Finbar: Did I die and turn into a small muscular boy scout?
Walter Lovell: The thing is, you can't take away one terrible thing you did any more than you can take away the millions of beautiful things that we had together. That's a million to one. If you can live with that ratio for another few years, then so can I.
Ace: That's quite a wrap you're wearing! Perhaps I could get you some fluffy new slippers made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
Skinny Husband: Who is this ghastly man?
Ace: Ace Ventura, pet detective. And YOU must be the Monopoly guy! Hey.
[whispering]
Ace: Thanks for the free parking.
Pompous woman: Another ACTIVIST, McGuire.
Skinny Husband: Activist, yes.
[snobby laugh]
Ace: [imitating him] Activist, yes, mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!
Pompous woman: Mr. Ventura, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. You should try it sometime.
Ace: Alrighty then!
[smacks man in the face which knocks him unconscious, drapes him over his shoulders and begins to sing and dance exotically]
Ace: [shakes man] Do not pass go! Do not collect $200!
[hands back man to pompous woman]
Ace: It's lovely, but I fancy myself an autumn!