Aunt Myrt: I didn't even know they were dating.
Angie Reynolds: Oh. It's an, it's a new thing. I don't think its serious Aunt Myrt.
Aunt Myrt: Hm. Funny. I always thought you and Ben would wind up together.
Angie Reynolds: You too. Maybe I need to get us t-shirts that say just friends.
Aunt Myrt: [chuckles] The very best relationships start out that way. My late husband was my best friend before we were married.
Dick: [Rosie sees the doctor for the stuck condom in her vagina] Hi, I'm Dick.
Rosie Dunne: Of course, you are.
Mr. Goodkat: Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in Monte Carlo and came in third; that's a story.
Becky: Tell me what you want, as fast as it comes to you.
Gilbert: Uhh…
Becky: Okay?
Gilbert: 'Kay.
Becky: Okay. What do you want?
[He's thinking about it]
Becky: Faster!
Gilbert: Okay. I want a new thing. House. I want a new house. And a family.
[He sighs heavily]
Gilbert: I want Momma to take aerobics classes. I want Ellen to grow up. I want a new brain for Arnie. I want…
Becky: What do you want for you? Just for you?
Gilbert: I want to be a good person.
Brian May: It's America. They're puritans in public, perverts in private.
Jay Sebring: Is everybody okay?
Rick Dalton: Well… the fuckin' hippies aren't. That's for goddamn sure.
[last lines]
Sergeant Kesuke Miyagi: Julie-san, fighting not good. But if must fight… win.
Richard Wershe Sr.: Straight talk? Your mother and I. We didn't plan on Dawn.
Richard Wershe Sr.: We didn't plan on you either, but in the end things worked out.
Rick Wershe Jr.: Dawn is a junkie, I'm shitting into a bag. Well that turned out well.
Richard Wershe Sr.: What can I say, you know? I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy.
Mike Mitchell: [sarcastically] You think you're so wise.
Brandon Mitchell: About time you recognized it. I am *brimming* with wisdom. I am up to my *eyeballs* in wisdom. Do you want to hear some more?
Mike Mitchell: No, I think I'm good, thank you.
Brandon Mitchell: Sometimes you look…
Mike Mitchell: All good!
Brandon Mitchell: Just saying.
Susan Young: Attention everyone. It is time to give out the prize for the best sweater. Our second-place winner this year is Alan.
[Everyone cheers]
Susan Young: You are the lucky winner of this lovely holiday scented candle.
Alan Mahone: Hey. Whoa whoa whoa. Wait a minute. I gave you this for Christmas last year.
Susan Young: Ooh. I was hoping my re-gifting would go unnoticed this year.
Alan Mahone: Yea. Well, I noticed.
Susan Young: Well… And now our grand prize is this cheese board that is from The Village of Trinkets and Treasures goes to… Hmmm. Me.
[Everyone laughs]
Susan Young: I mean, come on.
Alan Mahone: It's not fun if you win every year Susan.
Susan Young: Don't get your tinsel in a tangle.
Alan Mahone: Oh. What do you know? It's already personalized.
[Everyone chuckles]
Susan Young: Ooh. How did that get there?