Gray Grantham: Do you want to talk about the brief?
Darby Shaw: Everyone I have told about the brief is dead.
Gray Grantham: I take my chances.
Lonny: So, Carol. You know, that's my grandmother's name.
Carol Vanstone: [distracted momentarily] Mmm. No, I did not know that.
Carol Vanstone: Oh.
Lonny: It's kind of an old-timey name. Don't really hear "Carol" much anymore. It's like…
[imitates an old woman]
Lonny: "Hi, I'm Carol. I gotta get home before I miss my stories." "Hi, I'm Carol. I heard about Pearl Harbor on the radio." "Hi, I'm Carol. I died in the beginning of 'Up'."
Dylan Bailey: So, what's with all the cob webs?
Paige Parker: [chuckles] It's Ukrainian folklore. There was once an old widow who lived with her children in this tiny shack. And they had no gifts or decorations. And on Christmas morning, they woke up to find their Christmas tree completely covered in cob webs. But when sunlight entered the shack, all the cob webs turned to gold.
Dylan Bailey: Oh. I love stories about the importance of material wealth.
Paige Parker: [chuckles] Well, I like it because it shows that anything is possible during the Christmas season. No matter who you are, where you come from, there is always a little hope for some Christmas magic. You never know what can be waiting for you in the morning.
Kate McCallister: [at the Plaza Hotel] What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?
Desk Clerk: The boy had a very convincing story.
Kate McCallister: What kind of idiots do you have working here?
Desk Clerk: The finest in New York.
Rosie Dunne: But if I go to Boston, mom will never speak to me again.
Dennis Dunne: Well, if you don't go, I won't. The choice is yours.
Manager: [Manager comes and reminds him that he is being late] Dennis!
Dennis Dunne: And do me a favour; come back and take that prick's job.
Check-Out Woman: Are you here all by yourself?
Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here alone? I don't think so.
Check-Out Woman: Where's your mom?
Kevin McCallister: My mom's in the car.
Check-Out Woman: Where's your father?
Kevin McCallister: He's at work.
Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and your sisters?
Kevin McCallister: I'm an only child.
Check-Out Woman: Where do you live?
Kevin McCallister: Uh, I can't tell you that.
Check-Out Woman: Why not?
Kevin McCallister: Because you're a stranger.
Jessica's Dad: Oh, my God. He shit everywhere. There's shit everywhere! Damnit! There's shit on the windows! Oh, my God! My house is full of shit! He shit everywhere! Look what he did! He shit all over the walls! There's shit everywhere!
Arthur Bishop: Tell your principal it never pays to fuck with the dead.
Mr. Goodkat: Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in Monte Carlo and came in third; that's a story.
Lori: Doug, honey… you wouldn't hurt me, would you, sweetheart? Sweetheart, be reasonable. After all, we're married!
[Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her in the head, killing her]
Douglas Quaid: Consider that a divorce!