Chip Douglas: The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities!
Gladys Presley: The way you sing is God-given, so there can't be nothin' wrong with it.
Oskar Matzerath: There once was a drummer. His name was Oskar. He lost his poor mama, who had eat to much fish. There was once a credulous people… who believed in Santa Claus. But Santa Claus was really… the gas man! There was once a toy merchant. His name was Sigismund Markus… and he sold tin drums lacquered red and white. There was once a drummer. His name was Oskar. There was once a toy merchant… whose name was Markus… and he took all the toys in the world away with him.
Grandma Sandy: You get reminded what a sack of shit you are five times a day, after a while, you can't believe *anyone* could ever love you.
J. Daniel Atlas: The closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see.
Avery: I'm glad we scheduled this during our lunch breaks so we could do this together!
David: Hey, you took a business call too.
Avery: David, we're choosing our wedding cake and you hardly even looked at them.
[Watching the monk practice karate]
Doc: Apparently he killed 23 men with his bare hands.
Danny Meehan: Maybe I should take up karate.
Doc: That was before he took up karate.
Marc: I think we just wanted to be part of the lifestyle. The lifestyle that everybody kinda wants.
Howard: Boys, I don't want to speak ill of your mother on Christmas, but she's nothing but a common street whore.
Sirpa: What's the last film you saw?
Jaakko: Towards the end, I was watching John Carpenter's films. When I couldn't tell the difference between Kurt Russell and the husky, I stopped.