Maximo: Peggy dumped me… I have no home, no money, no helicopter…

Maximo: Peggy dumped me… I have no home, no money, no helicopter…
[Mike, Marcus, and Julie start arguing, nobody paying attention to his gun; Julie just walks out]
Store Clerk: Hey, freeze bitch!
Mike Lowrey: [as he points the gun her way, in a flash Mike and Marcus stop arguing and point their guns at his head] YOU freeze, bitch!
Store Clerk: Oh shit, I'm fucked.
Mike Lowrey: Now back up, put the gun down, and get me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
Marcus Burnett: And some Skittles.
Jack Reacher: There are three things cops never do. They don't vote Democrat, they don't drive Cadillacs, and they never use personal vehicles.
[first lines]
Middle Schooler: Look! Here Comes The Retard Rocket!
[starts pelting snowballs at the deaf bus Wesley's on]
Overgård: It's arctic trout… with noodles.
Sam's Dad: Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
Jimmy 'Popeye' Doyle: You dumb guinea.
Buddy "Cloudy" Russo: How the hell did I know he had a knife.
Jimmy 'Popeye' Doyle: Never trust a nigger.
Buddy "Cloudy" Russo: He could have been white.
Jimmy 'Popeye' Doyle: Never trust anyone!
Jack Harper: How can man die better: than facing fearful odds, for the ashes of his fathers, and the temples of his Gods.
Sally: I created you, Jack. I am your god.
Jack Harper: Fuck you, Sally.
Pick-up Guy: [sitting at the counter inside the Tarasco Bar] This reminds me of a joke. This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this strait. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. He's lookin' at the glass, man. He's thinkin' about the glass. He's thinkin' about the glass. Glass. He's thinkin' about the glass, glass. Thinkin' about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he-he's pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere *except* the fucking glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing his fuckin' ass off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You fucking idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 punta." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, 300." And the bartender's like, "What the fuck are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy."
Klimek: I don't have kids, I would suffer too much if something happened to them.