Jeffrey Allen: Walter? Detective Allen. First time being robbed? No fun, right?
Walter Sims: They got pictures of my family, my daughters, where we live, my daughters' school…
Jeffrey Allen: Walter, you're a bank manager. You should be smart enough to know that the monster has gone digital. Be careful what you insta-google-tweet-face.
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Some dickhead is standing in my sun!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Oh, Captain Harris! Hey, I didn't see you there. You know, I don't think we've been introduced. My name is Nick…
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: I don't care who you are, buttwipe. Just get out of my sun!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Buttwipe?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Scram, sleazeball!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Okay, fine.
[Leaves]
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Buttwipe, huh? Never heard that before.
Lt. Proctor: That was great, Sir!
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Proctor?
Lt. Proctor: Yes, Sir?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Now you're in my sun.
Megan: I just shot a turkey and a man. Guess which one's dead.
Lieutenant Debbie Callahan: You had impressive moves for a cadet.
Cadet Nogata: Thank you. You see, it's a matter of the mind being mightier than the bosom.
Lieutenant Debbie Callahan: Interesting theory.
Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.
Marshall: This shit is officially above my pay grade.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Well, I speak the most Italian, so I'll be your escort. Donowitz speaks the second most, so he'll be your Italian cameraman. Omar speaks third most, so he'll be Donny's assistant.
Pfc. Omar Ulmer: I don't speak Italian.
Lt. Aldo Raine: Like I said, third best. Just keep your fuckin' mouth shut. In fact, why don't you start practicing, right now!
Rusty: You scared?
Linus: You suicidal?
Rusty: Only in the morning.
Lt. Mauser: [Mauser and Proctor are spying on Lassard greeting the new recruits in his office] So… these academy rats are going to save the precinct?
Proctor: Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses.
Lt. Mauser: That can be arranged, you know?
Proctor: What do you mean?
Lt. Mauser: Well, if they fail, I take over as commander of the precinct.
Lt. Mauser: So?
Lt. Mauser: So… we make sure they fail.
Proctor: Who?
Lt. Mauser: The new recruits.
Proctor: Why?
Lt. Mauser: If they fail, Lassard's out, I'm in. And I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander. And you know who that's gonna be.
Proctor: [confused] Who?
Lt. Mauser: [annoyed] You, dickhead, you!
Proctor: Oh… oh… well, good idea.
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.
Henry: It's gonna be alright, Luce.
Lucy: [to Henry] Don't call me Luce. I barely know you.
Marlin: Sweetie, you're sorta dating him.
[Lucy looks at Henry]
Henry: Sorry I'm not better looking.