Wes Mantooth: With the things I've done in my life, oh, I know I'm going to burn in hell. So I sure as shit ain't afraid to burn here on earth.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, my goodness! That's the most badass thing I've ever heard!

Wes Mantooth: With the things I've done in my life, oh, I know I'm going to burn in hell. So I sure as shit ain't afraid to burn here on earth.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, my goodness! That's the most badass thing I've ever heard!
Edward Cole: Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.
Dr. Schmetterlink: Sehr schön!
Charel-Ingvar 'Sickan' Jönsson: Ja, jag ser sjön.
[repeated line]
Hugh Glass' Wife: As long as you can still grab a breath, you fight. You breathe. Keep breathing. When there is a storm and you stand in front of a tree, if you look at its branches, you swear it will fall. But if you watch the trunk, you will see its stability.
Morgan: Mother, did you get the two dick pics I sent you?
Ox: Knock, knock!
Sergeant Moses Hightower: Who's there?
Ox: Buu!
Sergeant Moses Hightower: Buu, who?
Ox: Quit crying! This will be over in a moment!
[Hightower lets go of Ox]
Sergeant Moses Hightower: Fighting is one thing, but bad jokes is where I draw the line!
[Hightower hits Ox and knocks him out]
Jimmy: It's not important how many people I've killed. What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive.
Balin: [sees a chamber full of dead dwarves, with their only means of escape blocked] The last of our kin. They must have come here hoping beyond hope. We could make for the mines. Might last a few days.
Thorin Oakenshield: No. I will not die like this, cowering, clawing for breath. We make for the forges.
Dwalin: He'll see us! Sure as death.
Thorin Oakenshield: Not if we split up.
Balin: Thorin, we'll never make it.
Thorin Oakenshield: Some of us might. Lead him to the forges. We kill the dragon. If this is to end in fire, then we will all burn together!
Randy: [from the trailer] The way I see it, someone's out to make a sequel. You know, cash in on all the movie murder hoopla. So, it's our job to observe the rules of the sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate. Carnage candy. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.
Harry Hogge: Cole, you're wandering all over the track!
Cole Trickle: Yeah, well this son of a bitch just slammed into me.
Harry Hogge: No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you… he *rubbed* you. And rubbin, son, is racin'.