Britt Reid: Kato, I want you to take my hand, and I want you to come with me on this adventure.
Kato: I go with you, but I don't want to touch you.
Etikettarkiv: Komedi
Polisskolan 4 – Kvarterspatrullen
Captain Harris: Don't touch those! Don't you ever touch my balls without asking!
Jumanji: The Next Level
Mouse Finbar: Did I die and turn into a small muscular boy scout?
Late Night
Walter Lovell: The thing is, you can't take away one terrible thing you did any more than you can take away the millions of beautiful things that we had together. That's a million to one. If you can live with that ratio for another few years, then so can I.
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
Ace: That's quite a wrap you're wearing! Perhaps I could get you some fluffy new slippers made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
Skinny Husband: Who is this ghastly man?
Ace: Ace Ventura, pet detective. And YOU must be the Monopoly guy! Hey.
[whispering]
Ace: Thanks for the free parking.
Pompous woman: Another ACTIVIST, McGuire.
Skinny Husband: Activist, yes.
[snobby laugh]
Ace: [imitating him] Activist, yes, mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!
Pompous woman: Mr. Ventura, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. You should try it sometime.
Ace: Alrighty then!
[smacks man in the face which knocks him unconscious, drapes him over his shoulders and begins to sing and dance exotically]
Ace: [shakes man] Do not pass go! Do not collect $200!
[hands back man to pompous woman]
Ace: It's lovely, but I fancy myself an autumn!
Blades of Glory
Jimmy: So, Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Coach: Oh, really?
Chazz: We're gonna dance to one song, and one song only: "Lady Humps" by the Blackeyed Peas. "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? I'm a get you, get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps."
Jimmy: [disgusted] I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I don't even know what that means.
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative…
Jimmy: No, it's not, it's gross…
Chazz: …It gets the people going!
Snatch
Policeman: So, what you doin here?
Turkish: I'm taking the dog for a walk. What's the problem?
Policeman: What's in the car?
Turkish: Seats and a steering wheel.
Forrest Gump
Forrest Gump: [running] I had run for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 16 hours.
[he stops and turns around]
Young Man Running: Quiet, quiet! He's gonna say something!
Forrest Gump: [pause] I'm pretty tired… I think I'll go home now.
Jönssonligan får guldfeber
Persson: You see, I got the tip and I…
Justitieministern: Fishing?
Persson: Beg pardon?
Justitieministern: Mr Persson's hobby is fishing, am I right?
Persson: Well, yeah…
Justitieministern: Then I suggest that Mr Persson will make a big fishing trip. Starting tomorrow morning.
Persson: For how long?
Justitieministern: Early retirement normally lasts for life!
Polisskolan 2 – första uppdraget
Lt. Mauser: [Mauser and Proctor are spying on Lassard greeting the new recruits in his office] So… these academy rats are going to save the precinct?
Proctor: Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses.
Lt. Mauser: That can be arranged, you know?
Proctor: What do you mean?
Lt. Mauser: Well, if they fail, I take over as commander of the precinct.
Lt. Mauser: So?
Lt. Mauser: So… we make sure they fail.
Proctor: Who?
Lt. Mauser: The new recruits.
Proctor: Why?
Lt. Mauser: If they fail, Lassard's out, I'm in. And I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander. And you know who that's gonna be.
Proctor: [confused] Who?
Lt. Mauser: [annoyed] You, dickhead, you!
Proctor: Oh… oh… well, good idea.
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.