Chip Douglas: The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities!
Lt. Mauser: [Mauser and Proctor are spying on Lassard greeting the new recruits in his office] So… these academy rats are going to save the precinct?
Proctor: Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses.
Lt. Mauser: That can be arranged, you know?
Proctor: What do you mean?
Lt. Mauser: Well, if they fail, I take over as commander of the precinct.
Lt. Mauser: So?
Lt. Mauser: So… we make sure they fail.
Proctor: Who?
Lt. Mauser: The new recruits.
Proctor: Why?
Lt. Mauser: If they fail, Lassard's out, I'm in. And I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander. And you know who that's gonna be.
Proctor: [confused] Who?
Lt. Mauser: [annoyed] You, dickhead, you!
Proctor: Oh… oh… well, good idea.
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Son, where did you get that gun?
Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: [smiling proudly] My mum gave it to me.
Ben: "You're never wrong to do the right thing."
Jules: Who said that, you?
Ben: Yeah. But I'm pretty sure Mark Twain said it first.
Riggs: We can't shoot a dog. People? Okay, but not dogs.
Nicky: It's about distraction. It's about focus. The brain is slow and it can't multitask. Tap him here, take from there.
Mo the Matchmaker: A Doctor! Top of the Food Chain!
Penny: My condition is 100% mental.
Thomas Westerburg: Hysterical blindness?
Penny: It's not that funny to me, Thomas.
[Repeated line in all 4 movies]
Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this shit!
Isabel: You know, I never wanted to be a mom. Sharing it with you… that's one thing. It's another to be looking over my shoulder for the next twenty years, knowing someone else would have done it better… someone else would have done it right.
Jackie Harrison: What do you have that I don't?
Isabel: You're Mother Earth, incarnate.
Jackie Harrison: You're… hip, and fresh.
Isabel: You ride with Anna.
Jackie Harrison: You'll learn.
Isabel: You know every story, every wound, every memory. Their whole life's happiness is wrapped up in you… every single second. Don't you get it? Look down the road to her wedding. I'm in a room alone with her, fixing her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked so beautiful. And my fear is she'll be thinking, "I wish my mom was here."
Jackie Harrison: And mine is… she won't.