Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer: People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss. They slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they recognize how easy it is for love to go bad, to become suddenly impossible… unworkable, an exercise of futility. So they avoid it and seek solace in angst, and fear, and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes… they just don't have all the facts.
Kelly Radner: And the truth is they are lovely girls.
Mac Radner: Yes, super nice girls.
Jessica Baiers: Well, I don't think that they are because we literally saw them robbing your house.
Kelly Radner: Oh, thanks for fucking stopping them!
Daniel Cleaver: [Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy have just had a fistfight over Bridget] You know what, mate? If you are so obsessed with Bridget Jones, why don't you just marry her?
Mark Darcy: [turns away and starts to walk]
Daniel Cleaver: [pause] Cause then she'd definitely shag me.
[Mark dives again into the fountain]
Holland March: Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt.
Jackson Healy: People got hurt.
Holland March: I'm saying, I think they died quickly. So I don't think they got hurt.
Björn H:son Larsson: Hey, you bloody Turk! Get lost, why don't you!
Greek Boatbuyer: 'Turk'? I'm Greek!
Bridget: Wait a minute… nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark Darcy: Oh, yes, they fucking do.
Jack Byrnes: Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
Greg Focker: To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
Jack Byrnes: [sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
Greg Focker: Yes. Even after that. It's still… It's all good. It's all good under the hood.
Jack Byrnes: That's disgusting.
Ginny: So this is Jeff's new girlfriend. Do we like her?
Maggie Collins: [sighs] She is like a walking Instagram post. It's a little unnerving. I mean, her clothes never wrinkle.
Ginny: I see that.
Maggie Collins: How do you think she does that? Portable steamer?
Ginny: Does she have children of her own?
Maggie Collins: No.
Ginny: Mystery solved.
Dick: I prefer Dick.
Sea rescue operator: Sea rescue central Stockholm!
Stig Helmers mamma: My name is mrs Olsson. I am worried about my son who is in the archipelago.
Sea rescue operator: What is his position?
Stig Helmers mamma: His position? I believe that he's a controller at Toastmaster Ltd…
Sea rescue operator: The position of the boat! Where is the boat?
Stig Helmers mamma: He is somewhere near a phone booth because he called me a few moments ago.
Sea rescue operator: Then you shouldn't worry mrs Olsson. Thank you for calling.