Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
Devlin Adams: So, where's Danny?
Katherine: [pause] Devlin, Danny is at his wedding.
Devlin Adams: Come again?
Katherine: I was never married to him. All a big lie I made up.
Devlin Adams: Why?
Katherine: Because I couldn't stand the thought of you knowing the truth.
Devlin Adams: Really?
Katherine: So, yeah. I'm a single mother. I have two kids I love more than anything in the world. I drive a Honda, I still have dial-up internet. I got a 2.7 GPA in college, not a 3.4. And while I'm at it telling the truth, I name my kids' poop after you. And I work for Danny. I'm his assistant. That's it.
Devlin Adams: Really? I would never have guessed this. I mean, you two had a real connection.
Katherine: He's great, he's the greatest guy, and I might even be in love with him, but it really doesn't matter at this moment because he is getting married to another person, right now.
Devlin Adams: [pause] Ian and I are breaking up.
Katherine: What? What happened?
Devlin Adams: Well for starters, he's gay. I mean look at him
Ian Maxtone Jones: [with a group of sailors] That's a strong muscle, right there. I'm squeezin'.
Katherine: Devlin, I gotta tell you, last night, with the ass grab of the coconut, little bit of a red flag.
Devlin Adams: I've seen him do that with the soap.
Katherine: Oh! What about the iPod?
Devlin Adams: He didn't invent shit. He made his money suing the Dodgers after he got hit by a foul ball.
Katherine: [laughs] Oh God! So what?
Devlin Adams: Well, this is different?
Katherine: Yeah, I mean, why didn't we try this truth telling thing before?
Devlin Adams: I don't know.
[They hug. Devlin sees Danny behind Katherine]
Danny: Aww, that's nice. It's nice to tell the truth. The truth is fun, isn't it? Like were you telling the truth when you said you might be in love with me?
Devlin Adams: I'm gonna leave you two. Gotta go get a divorce.
Ichabod Crane: Villainy wears many masks, none so dangerous as the mask of virtue.
Marion: You're not the man I knew ten years ago.
Indiana: It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.
Pick-up Guy: [sitting at the counter inside the Tarasco Bar] This reminds me of a joke. This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this strait. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. He's lookin' at the glass, man. He's thinkin' about the glass. He's thinkin' about the glass. Glass. He's thinkin' about the glass, glass. Thinkin' about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he-he's pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere *except* the fucking glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing his fuckin' ass off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You fucking idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 punta." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, 300." And the bartender's like, "What the fuck are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy."
Bruce Wayne: We're criminals, Alfred. We've always been criminals. Nothing's changed.
Alfred: Oh, yes it has, sir. Everything's changed. Men fall from the sky, the gods hurl thunderbolts, innocents die. That's how it starts, sir. The fever, the rage, the feeling of powerlessness that turns good men… cruel.
Robbie Ferrier: What is it? Is it terrorists?
Ray Ferrier: These came from some place else.
Robbie Ferrier: What do you mean, like, Europe?
Ray Ferrier: No, Robbie, not like Europe!
Summer Quinn: [about CJ Parker] Why does she always look like she's running in slow-mo?
Ronnie Greenbaum: You see it too?
Summer Quinn: And she always looks wet, but not too wet.
Ronnie Greenbaum: Right? She's the reason I believe in God.
[last lines]
CIA Superior: What did we learn, Palmer?
CIA Officer: I don't know, sir.
CIA Superior: I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
CIA Officer: Yes, sir.
CIA Superior: I'm fucked if I know what we did.
CIA Officer: Yes, sir, it's, uh, hard to say
CIA Superior: Jesus Fucking Christ.
Lara Croft: To see your world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower. Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, an eternity in an hour. William Blake.