Rick Jarmin: I haven't had a girlfriend for 5 years.
Marianne Graves: Really?
Rick: Yeah – Mr. Wiggly's been on bread and water for 5 long years.
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Rick Jarmin: I haven't had a girlfriend for 5 years.
Marianne Graves: Really?
Rick: Yeah – Mr. Wiggly's been on bread and water for 5 long years.
Frank Martin: What's the first rule when entering a man's car?
Jack Billings: [takes his feet off the seat] Respect a man's car, a man respects you.
Frank Martin: Rule number two?
Jack Billings: Greet the man. Good afternoon, Frank.
Frank Martin: Good afternoon, Jack.
Jack Billings: Can we play the game now?
Frank Martin: I would think your brain would be too tired after a whole day of school.
Jack Billings: You're just afraid I'm gonna win.
Frank Martin: I'm afraid you're gonna be too worn out to do your homework.
Jack Billings: It's Friday, I don't *have* any homework.
Frank Martin: In that case: the game.
Jack Billings: Yes!
Frank Martin: But first, what's the third rule of the car?
[Jack buckles his seatbelt]
Frank Martin: Good.
Tremaine Alexander: Where I come from, cash rule everything around me. You heard that one, right?
Jeffrey Allen: Walter? Detective Allen. First time being robbed? No fun, right?
Walter Sims: They got pictures of my family, my daughters, where we live, my daughters' school…
Jeffrey Allen: Walter, you're a bank manager. You should be smart enough to know that the monster has gone digital. Be careful what you insta-google-tweet-face.
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Some dickhead is standing in my sun!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Oh, Captain Harris! Hey, I didn't see you there. You know, I don't think we've been introduced. My name is Nick…
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: I don't care who you are, buttwipe. Just get out of my sun!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Buttwipe?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Scram, sleazeball!
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Okay, fine.
[Leaves]
Sgt. Nick Lassard: Buttwipe, huh? Never heard that before.
Lt. Proctor: That was great, Sir!
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Proctor?
Lt. Proctor: Yes, Sir?
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Now you're in my sun.
Lieutenant Debbie Callahan: You had impressive moves for a cadet.
Cadet Nogata: Thank you. You see, it's a matter of the mind being mightier than the bosom.
Lieutenant Debbie Callahan: Interesting theory.
Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.
Rusty: You scared?
Linus: You suicidal?
Rusty: Only in the morning.
Lt. Mauser: [Mauser and Proctor are spying on Lassard greeting the new recruits in his office] So… these academy rats are going to save the precinct?
Proctor: Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses.
Lt. Mauser: That can be arranged, you know?
Proctor: What do you mean?
Lt. Mauser: Well, if they fail, I take over as commander of the precinct.
Lt. Mauser: So?
Lt. Mauser: So… we make sure they fail.
Proctor: Who?
Lt. Mauser: The new recruits.
Proctor: Why?
Lt. Mauser: If they fail, Lassard's out, I'm in. And I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander. And you know who that's gonna be.
Proctor: [confused] Who?
Lt. Mauser: [annoyed] You, dickhead, you!
Proctor: Oh… oh… well, good idea.
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.
William Tell: [voiceover] The feeling of being forgiven by another and forgiving oneself are so much alike, there's no point in trying to keep them distinct.