Debbie Ocean: If you're going to have a problem with stealing, then you're not going to like the rest of this conversation.
Debbie Ocean: If you're going to have a problem with stealing, then you're not going to like the rest of this conversation.
Ace: That's quite a wrap you're wearing! Perhaps I could get you some fluffy new slippers made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
Skinny Husband: Who is this ghastly man?
Ace: Ace Ventura, pet detective. And YOU must be the Monopoly guy! Hey.
[whispering]
Ace: Thanks for the free parking.
Pompous woman: Another ACTIVIST, McGuire.
Skinny Husband: Activist, yes.
[snobby laugh]
Ace: [imitating him] Activist, yes, mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!
Pompous woman: Mr. Ventura, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. You should try it sometime.
Ace: Alrighty then!
[smacks man in the face which knocks him unconscious, drapes him over his shoulders and begins to sing and dance exotically]
Ace: [shakes man] Do not pass go! Do not collect $200!
[hands back man to pompous woman]
Ace: It's lovely, but I fancy myself an autumn!
Ace Ventura: If I'm not back in five minutes… just wait longer.
Matsui: So, business?
Danny Ocean: Business.
Rusty Ryan: A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
Matsui: [to Caldwell] Would you agree?
[Caldwell is visibly perplexed and perturbed, shaking his head]
Matsui: .
Danny Ocean: If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en… would fall… on the same day.
Rusty Ryan: Mm.
Matsui: Yeah. Hey. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Matsui: When I was four years old, I watched my mother kill a spider… with a teacosy. Years later, I realised it was not a spider – it was my Uncle Harold.
Linus Caldwell: [All eyes turn to him, expectantly] Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams.
[Ryan claps hand across eyes]
Linus Caldwell: I am a traveller in both time and space, to be where I have been.
[Blank, yet stern, looks from everyone]
Linus Caldwell: [Outside, Ryan and Ocean join Caldwell in the street] Is he alright? Are we alright?
Rusty Ryan: Kashmir?
Danny Ocean: Is that your idea of making a contribution?
Rusty Ryan: We hadn't even started. We ain't even got to the terms yet.
Danny Ocean: We came this close to losing that.
Linus Caldwell: Hey, I don't even understand what happened in there. What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Linus Caldwell: What?
Danny Ocean: She's seven.
Rusty Ryan: Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of…
Danny Ocean: No, you don't need to tell him that…
Linus Caldwell: Sorry.
Linus Caldwell: OK. So what does this mean?
Rusty Ryan: It means you stay here.
Rusty: You scared?
Linus: You suicidal?
Rusty: Only in the morning.
Scott: Say good night, asshole.
Luc: Good night, asshole.
Murad: [Bryan has him cornered] What are you waiting for?
Bryan Mills: You have other sons?
Murad: Two.
Bryan Mills: And if I kill you, they will come and seek revenge?
Murad: They will for sure.
Bryan Mills: And I will kill them too. You can change that. You can go home, live your life, enjoy your sons, your grandsons.
Murad: And my other son, Marko, the son you killed… am I just supposed to forget it?
Bryan Mills: No, you'll just have to live with it. Like the parents of all those kidnapped girls. Or you can die here.
Murad: What are you telling me?
Bryan Mills: What I'm saying is, if you give me your word, I will throw down this gun and simply walk away.
Murad: Why?
Bryan Mills: Because I am tired of it all.
Joe: I'm a troglodyte. Do you know what that is?
Sam Cleary: No clue.
Joe: It's Greek for a man who dwells in a cave. See, I'm a caveman. I live in a tiny apartment, and it's fine. I'm good with it. I like being alone. You know what bothers me? What really depresses me? Being around other people.
Patty Fenn: [final line] So what the hell kind of show are we going to do next week?
Arthur Bishop: Tell your principal it never pays to fuck with the dead.