The Chechen: [During a private sit down meeting with the gangsters] What do you propose?
The Joker: It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.
[mobsters laugh]
Salvatore Maroni: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
Tom Ripley: I always thought it would be better to be a fake somebody than a real nobody.
Persson: You see, I got the tip and I…
Justitieministern: Fishing?
Persson: Beg pardon?
Justitieministern: Mr Persson's hobby is fishing, am I right?
Persson: Well, yeah…
Justitieministern: Then I suggest that Mr Persson will make a big fishing trip. Starting tomorrow morning.
Persson: For how long?
Justitieministern: Early retirement normally lasts for life!
Lt. Mauser: [Mauser and Proctor are spying on Lassard greeting the new recruits in his office] So… these academy rats are going to save the precinct?
Proctor: Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses.
Lt. Mauser: That can be arranged, you know?
Proctor: What do you mean?
Lt. Mauser: Well, if they fail, I take over as commander of the precinct.
Lt. Mauser: So?
Lt. Mauser: So… we make sure they fail.
Proctor: Who?
Lt. Mauser: The new recruits.
Proctor: Why?
Lt. Mauser: If they fail, Lassard's out, I'm in. And I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander. And you know who that's gonna be.
Proctor: [confused] Who?
Lt. Mauser: [annoyed] You, dickhead, you!
Proctor: Oh… oh… well, good idea.
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.
Ace Ventura: If I'm not back in five minutes… just wait longer.
Michael Corleone: My father taught me many things here – he taught me in this room. He taught me: keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
Dr. Schmetterlink: Sehr schön!
Charel-Ingvar 'Sickan' Jönsson: Ja, jag ser sjön.
Greg: Orson Fortune. That is a sexy name. It is. You must fancy him a bit.
Detective Travis Cole: Okay, but I gotta… I gotta cross my "i"s and dot my "t"s.
[from trailer]
Dave Harken: [Nick, Dale and Kurt are visiting Dave in prison] Hello Nick, guy who saved my life, guy who fucked my wife.