Kevin: Man, glass tables are acting weird tonight.

Kevin: Man, glass tables are acting weird tonight.
Lt. Mauser: [Mauser and Proctor are spying on Lassard greeting the new recruits in his office] So… these academy rats are going to save the precinct?
Proctor: Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses.
Lt. Mauser: That can be arranged, you know?
Proctor: What do you mean?
Lt. Mauser: Well, if they fail, I take over as commander of the precinct.
Lt. Mauser: So?
Lt. Mauser: So… we make sure they fail.
Proctor: Who?
Lt. Mauser: The new recruits.
Proctor: Why?
Lt. Mauser: If they fail, Lassard's out, I'm in. And I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander. And you know who that's gonna be.
Proctor: [confused] Who?
Lt. Mauser: [annoyed] You, dickhead, you!
Proctor: Oh… oh… well, good idea.
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.
Graham Winslow: [Travis Burke introduces Amy and Graham Winslow to his new partner Maria, who expresses her adoration for Graham's Atticus Keller novels.] I like your new partner.
Travis Burke: Well, you know I only work with Graham Winslow fans.
Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Son, where did you get that gun?
Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: [smiling proudly] My mum gave it to me.
Riggs: We can't shoot a dog. People? Okay, but not dogs.
[first lines]
Patrick Kenzie: I always believed it was the things you don't choose that makes you who you are. Your city, your neighborhood, your family. People here take pride in these things, like it was something they'd accomplished. The bodies around their souls, the cities wrapped around those. I lived on this block my whole life; most of these people have. When your job is to find people who are missing, it helps to know where they started. I find the people who started in the cracks and then fell through. This city can be hard. When I was young, I asked my priest how you could get to heaven and still protect yourself from all the evil in the world. He told me what God said to His children. "You are sheep among wolves. Be wise as serpents, yet innocent as doves."
Nicky: It's about distraction. It's about focus. The brain is slow and it can't multitask. Tap him here, take from there.
Mark Kaminsky: [11:33] You should not drink and bake!
[first lines]
[while getting dressed as Naomi helps him]
Martin Vail: On my first day of law school, my professor says two things. First was: from this day forward, when your mother tells you she loves you, get a second opinion.
Jack Connerman: [chuckles] And?
Martin Vail: If you want justice, go to a whorehouse. If you wanna get fucked, go to court.
Matsui: So, business?
Danny Ocean: Business.
Rusty Ryan: A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
Matsui: [to Caldwell] Would you agree?
[Caldwell is visibly perplexed and perturbed, shaking his head]
Matsui: .
Danny Ocean: If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en… would fall… on the same day.
Rusty Ryan: Mm.
Matsui: Yeah. Hey. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Matsui: When I was four years old, I watched my mother kill a spider… with a teacosy. Years later, I realised it was not a spider – it was my Uncle Harold.
Linus Caldwell: [All eyes turn to him, expectantly] Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams.
[Ryan claps hand across eyes]
Linus Caldwell: I am a traveller in both time and space, to be where I have been.
[Blank, yet stern, looks from everyone]
Linus Caldwell: [Outside, Ryan and Ocean join Caldwell in the street] Is he alright? Are we alright?
Rusty Ryan: Kashmir?
Danny Ocean: Is that your idea of making a contribution?
Rusty Ryan: We hadn't even started. We ain't even got to the terms yet.
Danny Ocean: We came this close to losing that.
Linus Caldwell: Hey, I don't even understand what happened in there. What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Linus Caldwell: What?
Danny Ocean: She's seven.
Rusty Ryan: Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of…
Danny Ocean: No, you don't need to tell him that…
Linus Caldwell: Sorry.
Linus Caldwell: OK. So what does this mean?
Rusty Ryan: It means you stay here.