Oskar Matzerath: There once was a drummer. His name was Oskar. He lost his poor mama, who had eat to much fish. There was once a credulous people… who believed in Santa Claus. But Santa Claus was really… the gas man! There was once a toy merchant. His name was Sigismund Markus… and he sold tin drums lacquered red and white. There was once a drummer. His name was Oskar. There was once a toy merchant… whose name was Markus… and he took all the toys in the world away with him.
The Queen: They take a lot of photographs of you, don't they? The only photograph they take that really matters is the one they put on the ten-pound note, and they took that one. You understand, my dear, that all you are is currency.
Kurt Nygren: Thought you were the press officer, not a police officer.
Aspen: Well… that thing with the ladies will have to be put under wraps. You, of all people, know what can happen when a situation gets sticky.
Avery: I'm glad we scheduled this during our lunch breaks so we could do this together!
David: Hey, you took a business call too.
Avery: David, we're choosing our wedding cake and you hardly even looked at them.
[Watching the monk practice karate]
Doc: Apparently he killed 23 men with his bare hands.
Danny Meehan: Maybe I should take up karate.
Doc: That was before he took up karate.
Marc: I think we just wanted to be part of the lifestyle. The lifestyle that everybody kinda wants.
Howard: Boys, I don't want to speak ill of your mother on Christmas, but she's nothing but a common street whore.
Jack: [to Ruth and other guests dining at their table] Well, yes, ma'am, I do… I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count.
Molly Brown: Well said, Jack.
Julian: …but I wipe my own ass, I wipe my own ass!
Bella Flores: I guess it was unrealistic to think that anybody would show up when everybody has their own problems.
Scott Voss: You showed up.
Bella Flores: You shut up.