Etikettarkiv: Comedy

Magic Mike XXL

Magic Mike XXL (2015)

Andre:
When I started this, I thought I’d, um, I thought I’d hate it. But now, if like the EP blew up tomorrow, I’d probably still do this on the side. Do you see how many girls I meet every day?
Ken:
Yes, I saw.
Andre:
For free, I don’t gotta pay, all I gotta do is sing. And you think about that and these girls have to deal with men in their lives who every day, they don’t listen to them. They don’t ask them what they want. All we got to do is ask them what they want and when they tell you, it’s a beautiful thing, man. We’re like healers or something.
Ken:
Yes, man!

Fortsätt läsa Magic Mike XXL (2015)

Ghostbusters II

Ghostbusters 2 (1989)

Egon:
Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
Peter Venkman:
105 years old, he hung in there, didn’t he?
Ray:
He didn’t die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.
Peter Venkman:
Ouch.
Winston:
Guess he wasn’t too popular at the end, huh?
Egon:
No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
Peter Venkman:
Wasn’t he also Vigo the Butch?
Ray:
And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were ”Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I’ll be back.”

Fortsätt läsa Ghostbusters 2 (1989)

Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters (1984)

Dr. Raymond Stantz:
Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck:
They caused an explosion!
Mayor:
Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman:
Yes it’s true.
[pause]

Dr. Peter Venkman:
This man has no dick.
Walter Peck:
Jeez!
[Charges at Venkman]

Mayor:
Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!
Walter Peck:
All right, all right, all right!
Dr. Peter Venkman:
Well, that’s what I heard!

Fortsätt läsa Ghostbusters (1984)

King Ralph

Kung Ralph (1991)

Phipps:
Sir Cedric! Sir Cedric! Good news. We’ve finally found an heir!
Sir Cedric Willingham:
That’s wonderful, Duncan. Who is he?
Phipps:
His name is Jones. Ralph Jones.
Sir Cedric Willingham:
Is he everything we’ve hoped for?
Phipps:
[embarrassed]
Well. He has his strengths and his weaknesses. You see, he’s
[uncomfortable pause]

Phipps:
American.
Sir Cedric Willingham:
Quickly, Duncan! The strengths!

Fortsätt läsa Kung Ralph (1991)

Stretch

Stretch (2014)

David Hasselhoff:
Has anyone ever referred to you as a punk ass mother fucker?
Stretch:
Uh, not to my recollection.
David Hasselhoff:
You are a punk ass mother fucker.
David Hasselhoff:
Who’s an hour late and at my age when you find yourself making the most of even the smallest moments, the idea that you would swindle out of an entire hour, that you would have the balls to vaporize 60 minutes of my waking life is contemptible, it’s criminal.
Stretch:
I’m um really sorry.
David Hasselhoff:
Come on son, if you’re going to patronize me, at least put your fucking back into it, you don’t have any respect for the HOFF. Am I right? You think I never held a knife? That I’m unfamiliar with the taste of blood? That I took a shitty sub par show about lifeguards and turned it into the highest rated syndicated hit in television history because I got fucking lucky?
David Hasselhoff:
I once forcibly sodomize a Vietcong colonel with a stick grenade because he placed an ancestral curse on me while I was interrogating him and I don’t even believe in ancestral curses but that’s how fucking deep I roll.

Fortsätt läsa Stretch (2014)