Lois Einhorn: [after she finishes wrestling with Ace, to the surrounding police officers] Shoot him! Shoot him!
Emilio: [offscreen] Hold your fire!
[walks in with Melissa, gun to his head]
Emilio: Don’t shoot!
Melissa Robinson: Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!
Emilio: She’s not joking!
Lois Einhorn: [ignoring them] He kidnapped Snowflake! He killed Roger Podator and was going to kill Dan Marino and meeeeee!
Ace Ventura: Ho ho ho Hooooooooooooo! Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section a little more enlightening. For instance, if you were to look up the NFL’s ”All Time Bonehead Plays,” you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the 26 yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII.
[takes deep breath]
Ace Ventura: What you wouldn’t read about was how Ray Finkle lost his mind was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino for whom he blamed the entire thing!
[takes another deep, relief breath]
Aguado: What the hell are you talking about?
Ace Ventura: SHE’S NOT LOIS EINHORN!, She’s Ray Finkle, she’s a man.
Lois Einhorn: He’s lying. SHOOT HIIIIMMM!